How To Avoid Being Creepy

This is a how-to guide for men on how to avoid being creepy. Women run into creepy guys all day long so it's time we, as men, do something about it. I put together a list which will help guys put their creepiness in check. Firstly, know that as a man you start being creepy after about the age of five, at which point your maleness starts differentiating itself. At this point you have to start to become aware of your inherent creepiness and start nipping it in the bud at a young age. You need to start them young, as they say.

Here is the list:

• Watch every single movie and TV show that has at least one scene where a man (or men) are depicted as creepy. Understand why they are labeled as creepy and make a mental note to never have any of those characteristics yourself. This could be avoiding having a certain hairstyle to a certain size of glasses, or a certain way of speaking, or just giving the appearance of standing or wandering around somewhere aimlessly. You want to be sure that nothing in movies or TV shows which has become part of the collective female awareness can be pinned onto you, by association.

• Never look at a female in public for more that 1-1.5 seconds. Glance at most but never exceed this time limit. If a female looks at you for longer than this you must not return her look unless she speaks to you directly, at which point you must immediately stop looking the second she stops talking to you.

• Maintain a distance of at least 50 meters between you and any females outside, walking in front of you, even if you are walking in the same direction as them. And wear shoes that don't make too much noise as the sound may invoke the creep alert in her head.

• If you're standing at an intersection and waiting for the pedestrian walk signal, don't stand directly behind any females. Approach the intersection from the side so that they see you coming. And try to cross before them in order to avoid walking behind and consequently setting off the creep alarm.

• If you wear a winter hat make sure your hair doesn't hang down on the sides of your head for more than 1-2 inches, below the level of the hat. Otherwise you will look like a creepy redneck type. If you have long hair either cut it, or put in in a ponytail before putting on your winter hat. And make sure you are clean shaven because wearing a winter hat with a stubble or beard is utterly creepy.

• If you're at a club, don't stare at groups of girls for more than 1.5-2 seconds, but don't stare at the walls either, even if you are surrounded by girls. In this case just take out your phone and start fiddling with it, or pretend to have a conversation with someone on it.

• If it's dark out maintain at least a 100 meter distance between you and any females outside walking in front of you. Apply the same rules as above for intersections, but make doubly sure that you cross the intersection first.

• If you're at a bookstore or anywhere where you browse through the merchandise don't stand too close to any women there who is in the same section of the store. Maintain 5-10 meters of distance at least. And if she walks and stands near you then turn away from her to avoid making her uncomfortable. Then proceed to walk away to maintain the same 5-10 meter distance.

• If you walk by a cafe or coffee shop don't look through the window at any of the women inside, no matter how attractive they are.

• Make sure you are no more than 7.5 years older than any woman you want to pursue.


Moe Johnson said...

This is a bunch of horse shit. Go through all of that for what? Why try to appease women you'll probably never fuck. I agree with the staring and seeming predatory part. But the whole stay 50 fit away when you are minding your own business is ridiculous.

John said...

^^^ You know this site is pure satire right? It says so right at the top.

Vallin Sfas said...

Satire and humor are the key to TRUTH where the truth may not be told (i.e. to women). Voltaire is a great classic example, and satire is what REALLY got Galileo in trouble. Also great are any "dark astrology" books (it's a genre"), particularly the now classic 'How To Spot A Bastard By His Sun Sign'. Another great classic is Darrell Huff's 1954 'How To Lie With Statistics'. 'The Peter Principle' is also satirical...and so true!